If Not Now, When?
I’ve got to the end of more hard periods in my life than I can count. And every single time I say the same thing.
That was the busiest, most stressful time of my entire life.
I said it during the appeal for Daniel’s school place. I said it moving my entire business online and then back to in person. I said it through three years of divorce. I say it pretty much every time I introduce something new into the business.
Here’s what I’ve only just noticed. I say it every single time. Because the stress never actually stops coming. There’s always going to be something.
It’s not about the stress disappearing
For years I thought the goal was to get through the busy period and out the other side to calm. But calm never really arrived. Something else always showed up.
What’s actually changed isn’t the amount of stress in my life. It’s my capacity to handle it.
And that capacity has come from one thing. Focusing on myself.
The training. The sleep. The things that make me feel happier, feel better, look better, move better. Every time I’ve prioritised that, even slightly, I’ve noticed I can hold more without it breaking me. I can bring more onto my plate without it feeling like more.
That’s the whole point. Not less stress. More capacity.
When was the last time you let yourself celebrate?
This week I found out I passed my Intuitive Psychology Association diploma.
Seven months of genuinely hard work. Not just learning how to coach women through sensitive, complex issues, but embodying the work myself, every single day, while running a business and raising Daniel and doing everything else life asked of me.
I cried. And then I felt it everywhere in my body. This huge relief, but also this knowing. I am good at this. Really good at it.
Three years ago I would have got that qualification and let it sit quietly with myself. I wouldn’t have told anyone. I wouldn’t have let myself feel proud.
This time I celebrated it. I shared it. I believe completely that I am deserving of it.
That’s the proof. When you focus on yourself, really focus, the capacity grows. The evidence shows up. And you finally let yourself receive it instead of rushing straight onto the next thing.
This Friday
I’m going on annual leave for ten days. A solo holiday.
The longest I’ve ever been away from Daniel. And the first time I’m not trying to control every single part of the trip.
I’m going to be uncomfortable doing this. I want to be comfortable doing nothing.
This isn’t an escape from stress. It’s an investment in my capacity to handle whatever comes next. Because something always does.
If not now, when
Time is going to pass either way.
You can spend it constantly managing, surviving, getting through, with nothing left over for yourself. Or you can give yourself something, even a little, and watch what happens to your capacity to handle everything else.
I’m thirty nine. I’ve spent most of my life in the first category.
If you keep telling yourself you’ll focus on you another time, I want to ask you the question I’ve had to ask myself.
If not now, when?
What would it look like for you to spend time more intentionally this week?Â
I’ll be (mainly) off social media for the next ten days, so the next blog will be in 2 weeks. Drop your email below if you don’t want to miss it.
Emma x